i almost got that magic back...
almost..

then shit happened and i felt myself slipping downward again...

so not happy but i have to keep up this smiling facade because so many people around me are so ignorant,selfish, self-centered bastards that consistently tell me to take others into consideration (i.e. suck it up and make THEM feel better) yet they lack the ability to see past their own crooked noses...

i guess i'm bitching and complaining...being a little to emo....
but this is the only place i can let it out without fear of retribution.
without fear of being made to feel low for feeling low.

too sad to cry
too angry to hate..

i can't even begin to channel it into a creative medium so i can at least bullshit myself into thinking something positive can come out of it.
i'm too heavily medicated to see straight...yet i'm expected to push harder,faster than anyone else...

those who i expected to be there for me aren't...those i hoped would understand just seem to not care enough to try...

well...i'm out of steam so i guess that's it...
don't pass judgement on me...i just needed to get some of it off my chest...

back to feeling lonely
back to not being able to see straight
back to that little dark hole..

i hope you're doing better than i am.

so....
how much time has passed since i closed my eyes,opened my mind and let my thoughts and feelings flow out and take form?...
too long i guess...

i've lost a lot and i threw away something so precious, i don't think i 'll ever recover....

but i've dusted myself off and i'm going to try to move foward...
try right?...

thanks to those who have kept my mind alive..
those who kept me believing that there are things so beautiful that only even emotions fall short of encompassing the feelings they invoke...

~conai..=NoHoRimpianti777....`zemotion...~korpus-k...
*nebezial...`arcipello...*GENZOMAN...~celsojunior...
~CkyGFX...~mystique1....
i am eternally gratefull to you all...thank you and keep doing that thing you do...

having fallen,
having hurt,
having been hurt,
having been alone,
having alienated those close to me,
i have found myself standing tall again.
slowly but surely i am wrapping my fist around the the throats of the demons that i carried with me for so long.
i am finding my way again becase for the first time in such a long time i can see...
through darkness and in the light...i can see...

i can feel the dirt and filth that has held me back for so long,
fall away as i rise to my feet and stand ready to face anything...

i don't expect any comments or feedback

i just wanted to say it

i'm back for the very first time...
watch out bitc*es

well....tihs is an interesting devlopment....it was bound to happen sooner or later.....
all i hope is that it works out for the best...
peace,love and zaboca for all....
later ppl....i think i need some time alone....if you see me you see me....
l8a

i am done.no more helping people who cast me aside and abuse me as soon as they have begun to better themselves.
you sick,sorry little fucks.i put myself last to help you see the error of your ways.help you see how much better a person you can be.
what thanks do i get?none....and when i have helped you stand and teach you to walk again and decide to get back to my shit,you get upset because my mood is bad...
fuck you....i have sacrificed for you and been hurt in more ways than one for you.yet you return to your hurtful ways.
whore,deciever,liar..what right have you to be angry at me?look at what you did to me,how you hurt me...you've never apologised...
only when your feelings get hurt do i see anything of worth in you.....how can i trust you if you don't trust me?
fuck you.
fuck all of you...
i hope you get what is due to you...
for now i'm alone again...in more ways than one...
fuck you